Thursday, June 26, 2014

Anxiety & Dating? No thanks!

I feel as if I've used this one before....

Frankly, I'm starting to think dating when you have anxiety (including social anxiety) is not a good idea. I will admit that there are times when I become wistful and think, "You know, I do miss having that special someone. I do miss being in a relationship," and then common sense kicks me in the butt. How in the hell do I put myself out there when all I would do was worry about it?

I've tried online dating sites to see if that would help me any.... let's just say that was a big, fat fail. I could go the route of doing it "old school" by getting out of the house and meeting people, but I'm a little rusty in that area. I'm pretty sure that if someone asked my opinion about something (Just don't ask me about chocolate. I'll start drooling and foaming at the mouth.), my answer would come out in some dead language. Or nothing would come out at all and I'd just stand there looking like a complete idiot. Believe me, it's happened. This is why I always have a sidekick with me to do the talking just in case. You never know when they will come in handy. If you stand there without any words coming out, just poke them in the side with your elbow and they instantly spring into action and save the day! Thank you, sidekick.

My main worries about jumping into a relationship? Every. Single. Thing. I'd worry that I would do or say something to make them mad. I'd worry that they weren't happy. I'd worry that they'd think I was too weird. Perhaps they'd think that I worry too much? (Okay. So that one is a given.)  What if we found out we have nothing in common except for our love of staying up late to watch cheesy infomercials? It's weird to think that we humans go through life hoping to meet someone who makes their toes curl, their heart beat a little faster, and their stomach feel as if they're about to lose their lunch; also known as "butterflies." It's happened a few times in my life- This was years before my brain decided to have a little fun and create chaos. Of course, celebrities don't count. It's nice to dream though, isn't it?

I've told my family many, many times that I cannot fall in love unless I work on myself first. I want to be stable enough to relax and not worry too much about the "what ifs." While I may lust after a fairy-tale love and relationship, It's not plausible right now, and I'm okay with that. I'm.... okay with that.

Welcome to the thoughts of a single nutcase.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Weird Dreaming

Disclaimer: This is not about anxiety for once. I'm merely venting about the amount of confusing dreams I've been having. It may or may not also include a dream with David Tennant. Viewing discretion is advised.

Well, hello hello!! I know it's been a while since I've done any kind of blog postings. I won't lie: I had hit writer's block. I would type out what I thought would be a good post and see that it seemed absolutely lame. While I've had no problems writing in my journal, a blog post is different. Believe me, I've been tempted to take a whole journal page and put it out for the world to see.... but that probably won't happen. Probably.

I've been doing some thinking, or pondering. I've always had weird dreams for as long as I can remember, and there is one where I don't want to rehash because of how close it hits to home. To put it simply, what in the world is my brain thinking when I fall asleep at night?

This past year, I've had between 2-4 dreams about zombies. I'm just going to go ahead and blame The Walking Dead for those. Then there are those strange ones that are "WHAT THE FRICK????" For example, we'll take the one I had earlier this week. (This is the one that includes David Tennant. *drool*)

It was Halloween evening, the sun was still going down. My mom, sister, and I were sitting out on the front porch with a dog. (Note: We don't have a dog.) As I looked around, I started seeing zombies. I also saw a rabid animal with red eyes. I turned around to tell Mom and Angela to run, but when I saw my mom's eyes, I knew we were in trouble. Her eyes were also red. So me and Angela ran to the next door neighbor's house to find a safe spot, and that's when we saw David Tennant as The Doctor. He told me that the only way to save the world is that I must be turned into a vampire and do what vampires do. That if I did that, they would create a cure for zombies and other weird beings. After I did, The Doctor turned into a white light and just evaporated. I then turned back into a human.
The only thing I remember after that is the rest of the humans in the house were running and hiding from some fast zombie-hybrids. I don't remember if I saved the world or if my mom returned back to normal.

I have so many weird dreams that I remember, but not many of the good ones. It would be nice if we can only record the ones where we've kissed a crush, did something fantastically famous, or something a little more explicit. It would also be nice if we could skip over the ones that scare the crap out of us.

Our subconscious comes to the save once again.
(P.S. I'm still wondering how The Doctor slipped in. Huh...)

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Geektastic Thursday: Shine A Light

Sorry that Geektastic Tuesday is a little late. We've been dealing with a couple of things here at the Geeky Nutcase house, and to be honest, I didn't think about it until last night! Oops. Sorry!

Anyway, one thing we all need in our lives and homes is light. Most of the time, we get it from lamps. Unfortunately, our lamps are drab, and even 1 is missing a shade. (Gasp!) So I went in search of a some cool lamps that might be worthy enough to grace our geeked out bedroom!

While I mourn the loss of that young zapper, I think I'm in love with this lamp. I hated that damn dog!

It's not exactly geeky, but ever since I saw A Christmas Story, I have wanted a leg lamp.

It might be a homemade steampunk lamp, but it would go great with our old wooden desk!

I don't care if it doesn't light up the room. Shut up and take my money for this Darth Vader lamp!

Yes, I think they are all very worthy of gracing our bedroom. Yes.

Monday, June 9, 2014

#Anxiety - From The Twin's POV

We know people who suffer from General Anxiety Disorder have a hard time opening up to strangers, especially if some of the anxiety is brought on by new social experiences. But when a twin sister suffers from GAD, the other sister is often her rock - emotionally, physically, and mentally. We often NEVER hear from that other twin...

I thought that since we rarely hear from the family's side of anxiety, this would be the perfect outlet for me to explain what that "rock" goes through.

Anxiety does not take a vacation. Even the slightest change can bring someone who suffers to their knees. I have seen it. But because the Nutcase and I are so close, I often feel her anxiety a little bit. When she cries because she is having a panic attack, I want to cry with her. In fact, I have bawled right along side her a few times. When she feels nausea because of a change she can't handle, I feel sick as well.

Sometimes the effects aren't just physical. I can often tell she's have a panic attack just by the feeling in the room. It is electric and fast-moving. It can be best described as chaos. I guess you can describe anxiety as the professor of chaos. Have you seen the South Park episode where Butters becomes Professor Chaos? Imagine the chaos he causes (which is minimal but still funny) times 20,000 and you have the idea of what an anxiety-filled room feels like.

It is hard to see someone you are so close to have an anxiety attack, big or small. You don't know exactly what is going on in their mind and brain, but it hurts to see them go through that. You wish there is something you can do help, but just letting them have their moment is what you need to do. It's a lot harder than you think. Saying, "Everything will be alright." is definitely the wrong thing to say. They have to learn how to ride the waves, instead of depending on a floatie. Once in a while, I just want to hug her until the attack rolls away.

It can take a toll on a family if they are not ready, haven't researched what to do, or don't even try to help the sufferer. The best thing you can do when someone is having an attack and you just want to cry? Cry. They'll probably cry right beside you and that is okay. Our crying sessions usually end up in laughter and weirdness.

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Geektastic Tuesday: Personal Steampunk Style

Since I am relatively new to the steampunk genre (about a year behind the Nutcase), I have this time to develop what I call my personal steampunk style. Since I love the long dresses of the Victorian era, but also love science, I think the character that suits me best is either a mad scientist or inventor. I'm leaning towards inventor.

Anyways, for those that share my love of Victorian dresses and science, these may tickle your fancy! (Oh, and you probably won't see any corsets because I refuse to wear one. I like to breathe.)

Love everything about this. But you can also just buy the skirt.

I think I found THE perfect hat... Except it's $378!! And maybe a little darker with more detail.

Shoes make the outfit, no matter WHAT era you're from. So for those that like long dresses, you don't need to go full out on shoes, but you do need something that pops some personality (in case you fall down and still want to look awesome.)
Ever since I saw these shoes, I have wanted them! Only $100!

Now I just have to decide what accessories would make this inventor look great! Any ideas?


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