Friday, January 31, 2014

What? Me Relax?

You know, everyone has their good and bad days when dealing with an anxiety disorder. You never know what that day will bring once your feet hit the floor and you're out of bed. I've realized that if you have a panic attack before going to sleep, it'll most likely continue when you wake up. Relaxing when that happens is pretty much out of the question. Your muscles tense up, you get that nauseous feeling, and you start hyperventilating. (Luckily I've learned to calm that breathing portion of the attack.)

I've been trying to finds way to actually relax. Many, many years ago (before my anxiety), I was doing yoga to help with back pain. I would do it in the morning and before going to bed. I was as calm as they come. It helped with the pain. Yoga was very good to me.

For the past year, I've tried meditating. I can not get my brain to shut up. I've mentally visualized a beautiful spot out in nature. It was nice when I could reach that spot- which was once in a blue moon. Unfortunately, that once in a blue moon has turned into a "never in a blue moon." Meditating has not happened, and a calm brain is as good as gone.

Journaling is still my go-to on helping my brain process the anxiety information. It's kind of like defragmenting the computer, everything is in its place. Although the wiring still is wonky and short-circuits, at least I can push away that day's tumultuous thoughts to make room for new ones. I'm currently on the hunt for a decent blank journal so instead of placing every sheet of paper inside a 3-ring binder, it stays put in a bound journal. I'm sure I will come across one that is just perfect for me.

I'm sure a good night sleep would be much more than helpful in relaxing. I hope that the brain eventually gets that memo and takes heed. I do wonder, though, what is feels like to sleep through the night. I will reach that point!

February Anxiety Goals
Relax
Relax
Relax
Relax

I think I got it now. Maybe. Hopefully. Okay, soon I'll have it down.

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